As people go deeper and deeper into the realm of time where seconds turn to years in the blink of an eye it hard to live in sanity. But my experience have bound to make me realize the power of an intelligent mind used in a mischievous and wrong way.
The more educated and sophisticated you get the games become complex, mentally intense and winning is inevitable for honor. It is interesting to realize that what shines is not necessarily gold and there is a silver lining to things which is at times significantly invisible like the elephant in the room as she would mention.
There is the greatness of role play and how pseudo innocence, vulnerability at times can show its true colors, poisonous when you are most unprepared. Its politics, its mind games and mostly observation and making the right move. It’s a risk, a calculated probability of incidence and situations which experiential time blesses you with.
But there are things which are beyond your adaptation or desire to diffuse in to and absorb it all from within. It is when things start to harm you. It is I my control, but wasn’t and I can assure now but I not know of the future, don’t know if it will bring an outcome which most fear off.
It is a hazard best not wait for. You need to lose gracefully than win nastily at something and may be it is not the smart thing to do but it is what I have decided on after so long of suffering. If I hold on a little longer I can make a better adjustment but I refuse to take that time upon myself be patient but in a different form, a more resolved and self-rejuvenating path. It is easier said than done but it is what I can opt for now, a wrong move, but a decision I am positive taking.
The experience was not charming, joyful or exploring. It was a constant horror of a mixture of nightmares, flashing one after the other. I would say I didn’t get my mini dream breaks of relief and a change out of all this. But it isn’t enough to support me through this. People will say I failed and I left, I should have taken it as a challenge and fought to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I am running away like a coward, even after being wrong.
I do not feel that way, cause achieving this and overcoming this will not give me a peace of mind. It is a temporary short lived phase which brings along a lot more in the nearest future. When monarchy is the norm and style under a roof where I spent the majority of my time, I am unfit under a harsh merciless ruler.
The rule of the advantageous and the clever are evident here, they overpower the weak, the humble and the fearful ones. I cannot fight this without harming myself to a point I refuse to take upon. May be this is what I will read back to remind me when days will be filled of rejection and frustration and there will be no light or any tunnel. The feeling I had when I looked at the horizon at the middle of the night in to black night sea around Sydney. There would be infinite indistinguishable pitch black darkness. I would inhale, hold for a few second and breathe out reciting a “surah” religious recitation silently in my heart and mind. The power of positivity and positive energy is what poets, writers and scholars seem to explore and guarantee.
There is always a bigger, brighter reason for things to happen and the means to the ends. At times it can be a relatively longer reroute and at times a tougher short cut. Life, gravity and time of life cycle always moves a balance towards equilibrium, it seems to happen in human life, as for the calculation can be derived as a net recorded, taking a data for a long duration.
The twist of nature is also that the inbuilt tendency is to drive towards chaos. It is beyond your control, you can try and wiggle on optimum symmetry of the scale but it all surrounding you will have an entropy.
It is up till now, as it is not yet out in words, in official decorum to be implemented, I can say that it was a good opportunity in this field and most will point it as a massive flaw and gullibility at my point, but they are not in my shoes and after the wait to a new accomplishment it will be subsided. That’s the magic of this most population of entity, which contribute negatively and strangely. Yet, we let this be, as this is what makes up most of the society we live in.
It serves no purpose but to oppress and encourage discrimination of course with the pinch of hypocrisy. We should for the inhumanity pressed upon the disadvantageous community, in regards to gender and sexuality, but alarmingly we are blind to notice the basic human mundane authorized rights.
Cause we are in a privileged position to corner and take advantage of their respective needs and opting for the chance of opportunity. I understand everything comes with a price and that hard work along with the system in Bangladesh is similar in work culture and communication and as the worst fear, it can be just worse than that.
There is no turning back after you made the choice, you need to accept if failed, if it turned out to be a mistake, let’s learn from it and make a better preparation for the next ball room. There are means of channeling energy and as they would say therapeutic outburst of exhaustion both mental and physical in addition to a more focused brain and lifestyle. I hope not to regret, as that will be shameful to myself and my dearest ones supporting me instead of pressurizing me.
I have learn how lie and lies can overshadow the truth when presented with power and reliance. I have seen, the wrong be praised and the truth be suffocated for a better future outcome. The show must go on and it must to a smooth extend, there should not be a transition, just let the time and people sink it in and then it will pass away as time flies by from seconds to years like the blink of an eye.
The outlook, the show, is what defines the dynamics, it can be bold, loud disturbing yet strong in presence and it can also be quite, subtle like a masked reliable snake. Before the moment when you got stung you would not believe it to be of any danger. Yes you are subconsciously aware, but how often do we chose to actually work on those. It remains until it diffuses out to be diluted as the best known quote every known to man, time is the best healer. Unjust, biased and prejudiced decision maker is the head of the jury, it is a reflection of the power, politics, work culture and most importantly the people involved and their background of life.
The writer is a editorial and research consultant, Bbarta24.net
